February - Part 2

Navigating heartbreak for the last two weeks of February has been so tough.

I have absolutely no resentment. I have a lot of trust in the universe and know that I did absolutely everything I could whilst showing myself enough respect to let go.

Plus, I've been talking to ChatGPT and it's given me a different perspective.

For now, all I can do is stay in my lane. Focus solely on doing what makes me happy and allow myself to feel through the lows. It's okay to feel how I feel right now. I didn't go through everything I have in my life before now to give up on myself. Ultimately, my goals for this year haven't changed, just the person I wanted to achieve them alongside isn't the person that was supposed to be there. It isn't about forgetting him or moving on but I know what I want and what I deserve. Having someone to love me equally and wholeheartedly will find me in the timing it should. I cannot force this, I believe that.

After a week of stupidly begging and pleading (I know, not attractive, I'm cringing about it too) and a period of no contact paired with a very clear sign that I need to let go of G. It's time for me to take more action. I've journalled a lot, cried a lot, allowed myself to feel and surrounded myself with the people I love. I am now needing to do the little things that make me feel more like myself. I have written a list of little things that I want to do this year. The evenings are getting lighter and the sun is still out when I finish work, so I'm feeling a little burst of excitement to live more intentionally after working. I wanted to start posting more on social media this year, because it's something I enjoy. I've battled with myself about this recently because of the situation I am in but I've reflected on that. As long as I am respectful and centre my content around myself and self love, I think it should not only help others who are struggling but give me some accountability to move forward in my goals and intentions for this year. I'm really worried about my role at work not extending too, I'm in a paternity cover role at a company that gives me the best work life balance and a manager that's so supportive. I can't let it worry me too much though. February really did not play out how I'd hoped and now, more than ever, I need to trust that the universe will carry me to the things I deserve. I just have to take action on the things I can control and let go of the things I cannot.

My heart feels heavy, but there's an energy of strength in me too. Month 2/12 is over and next month is for me.