April - 2025

I can't even think of how to begin summarising this past month. April brought me some crazy and ultimately life changing developments. I didn't write half way through the month like with my other blogs so this is harder to summarise too.

I bought a house! Well, I put an offer in and it was accepted. So, now I'm looking for a solicitor and just trying to get the ball rolling on everything that needs to be done to secure this. It's a beautiful little home within this area and a stones throw from my rented home.

Atlanta was hectic, work trips are just such a drain of my social and work battery. However, it was great to experience and I really got the chance to connect with my colleagues and that is invaluable really. I did a presentation at an event to our customers and I really felt like part of the company and team because of this. Work trips always make me feel somewhat important to the company, after all, they are an investment.

The weekend that I returned from America was the Grand National and we headed over to mums house for the first BBQ of 2025. Ben, Steven and Kian joined us and it was nice for my parents and family to meet them. I didn't win any money on my horses but it's such a nice tradition for my family to get together for.

I have spent some time at my beach spot, a little tucked away piece of beach on the river Hamble. I've returned to the same spot for 10 years now, mainly when I've needed time to process how I feel about whatever is going on in my life. I take a book and a journal down there and just process everything and reregulate. Pretty relevant at the moment.

My mum and I went to the Ivy in winchester for afternoon tea with a voucher G had given me for my birthday last year. I feel like since moving out of my parents home, 5 years ago, I have realised how much Mum had done for our family over the years. She's done everything with minimal complaint if any and she's been the best at looking after Lewis and I. Mum has been a rock for me through so much. I've been on a few dates this month too. The guy from the gym that came to that gym social with me last month. James. This is possibly the biggest shift for me. I'm still struggling to trust and "throw myself in" but he's patient, kind and just truly wants the best for me. Everyone tells me to enjoy myself. He's treated me to incredible dates (Like fancy meals and even a spa weekend!) and he hasn't done it with expectations that I'll do anything other than be there with him. He's not pressured me to take anything further than dating which has settled my dysregulated nervous system. I feel lucky to have found someone who's actually interested in getting to know me as a person, even when that includes hearing about the things I have been through. It's early days but I already feel my confidence slowly creeping back. I just have a huge fear of watching someone fall out of love with me again and leaving. I guess I'm confused about how to feel because of this. I never want to feel like that again. All I can do is stay true to myself and focus on the things I need to focus on this year, the main one being my new house!!