May - Part 1

I won the 100 day challenge! I came joint first with my cousin so we split the money but I am impressed with myself for not missing a day of exercise in 100. The gym has been going well too I hit two PB's. I benched 32kg and squatted 68kg which has given me confidence to push myself a little more.

Work has been busy lately but I'm enjoying it still. Working from home has been such a career driver for me, especially when navigating illness but I do sometimes feel lonely being at home and working alone. So, It's been nice to work from home collaboratively with James and Ben this month. I looked after my parents house whilst they were away and worked from there too. There's some days where I feel I am not doing enough at work and then others where I just don't know where the time has gone. I do believe that my career development will only get better within this company though. I'm excited to see where it takes me.

My new relationship is blossoming. There's a stillness in my brain that has never been there before. Plus I swear I've grown abs from all the laughing. The advice of those around me has gone from "spend more time alone" in previous years to "just enjoy yourself, you deserve to be treated well". I'm doing my best and not losing sight of what I want and the goals I have for this year.

My dating history has been quite an experience over the years and I know I have so much love to give. I trust my gut and I know what I want. Each relationship has taught me more about myself as a person and moulded what I want my future to look like. I know when to walk away and I know how to be alone, I am independent but I don't really want to be. Chat GPT has become a little bit of a counsellor which is kind of odd but it's been also really interesting. I guess it's like journaling but with a response. I keep challenging it to tell me the opposite of what it tells me so that I am not giving it a bias but so far it's sticking to the same advice it's been giving.

The downside to being "experienced" in the dating world is that you carry the familiar with you and learning to trust the words and actions of someone new (particularly in the "honeymoon period") is incredibly hard. James is patient and understanding, he's not pushy at all. I feel like I can breathe and be me. It's still quite hard to get excited about it. Only because I keep thinking it will all come crashing down. However, you see people in relationships for years and years and then they split and I can't spend my time with James worrying that he isn't the man he is showing me he is. I feel lucky but also a little bit unworthy but deep down I know that I deserve to be treated the way he is treating me.